I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
