No stitches, just platelets and will power
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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