She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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