; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
