He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
