Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
