i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
