Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
FUCK WHALES
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
