i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
