But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
soo... how was my night?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
