Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
