If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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