Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(415): View more from California

I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI

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(805): View more from California

he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me

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(740): View more from Ohio

its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?

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(562): View more from California

He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.

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(928): View more from Arizona

proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors

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(248): View more from Michigan

I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul

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(217): View more from Illinois

Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?

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