NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
