So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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