Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Blood and glitter go together right?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
