OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
