Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
