So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
