How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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