We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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