She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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