I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
