Your tits are I can't wait for
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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