a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
