Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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