you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
