It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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