Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You're like the curious george of whores
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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