I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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