It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
