Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
