Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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