Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
