You're so nebulous sometimes
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
