She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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