omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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