how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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