Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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