Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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