hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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