He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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