Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
