Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry RPALM33 hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(860): View more from Connecticut

so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized

Fav 22 1245 6570
share tweet
(832): View more from Houston, Texas

You're earring is so big in my mouth

Fav 38 912 3413
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(608): View more from Wisconsin

the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20

Fav 48 1450 6966
share tweet
(417): View more from Missouri

I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.

(417): View more from Missouri

I can't feel my brain.

Fav 11 2219 4470
share tweet
(715): View more from Wisconsin

haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.

Fav 1 1899 1019
share tweet
(520): View more from Arizona

you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab

Fav 4 2004 1107
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(250): View more from British Columbia

I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.

(250): View more from British Columbia

A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.

Fav 13 1602 1039
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(407): View more from Florida

His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.

Fav 0 1069 498
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(705): View more from Ontario

You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"

Fav 0 19 6
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT