My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
