Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
