I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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