I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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