It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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