The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
