I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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