Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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