Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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