he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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