You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
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