No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize