Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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