After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
So squirting runs in the family.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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