I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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