I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
