4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
