why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize