I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize