it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
