Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
