Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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