ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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