im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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