Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
