Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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