dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
