Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
that's an acceptable place to lick
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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