yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
