Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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