I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
