Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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