And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
