Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
