I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize